Hit the rockbottom

I knew sooner or later this would happen. All this time I never fake a smile and pretend to be tough coz I’m tough for real.. but I know sooner or later I would break down.. but not because the problem itself (I’m still tough about that) but some things that follow, the issues I always have earlier that now I have to face once again.

I posted before that I know it’s all my fault. That it’s not fair when I don’t love them first I demand them to love me now. But I think.. apa yah.. senakal2nya anak, sedurhaka2nya anak, when they got into trouble, masa sih ga dikasih support? If they made mistake, iya pasti dimarahin dulu, tapi abis itu kan dibantuin kali. Nah gue nggak salah apa-apa.. yang ada malah lagi ‘dikasih cobaan’ kayak gini, masa sih nggak mau sayang sama gue? Pathetic me! The same issues all over again.. “kurang kasih sayang” huhuhuhu.. watirrr

For once I don’t tell my boyfriend I cried last night. Coz I know if I said “nobody loves me..” He would say “Kan ada aku..” And I don’t want that :(. Ga boleh ya gue ngelunjak masa iya yang sayang sama gue cuman satu orang.. sigh..